February 1, 2008

Archived Homeowner Association Rant

The sign says it all !!

Archived HOA Posting for February 2008:
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  1. Hate Them All. I DoFebruary 06, 2008

    Got a community pool. want to get even with your HOA, ...

    Go downtown on a hot summer day, pick up some homeless people, let them come up and use the pool.
    They are your quest.
    Let the HOA piss and moan, you are entitled to have quest !!

  2. in las vegas nvFebruary 08, 2008


    They are worthless...made up of dumbass realtors, useless mortgage losers, and frustrated soccer mom's all with huge power egos.
    These are created by lazy ass politicians and city workers who don't do their jobs to enforce codes so they make builders create HOA's.....fuck them all.
    HOA's is just another way our freedoms are being eroded away.......anyone who can't see that is just plain stupid and gets what they deserve.

  3. Having problems with your HOA, here are some suggestions ...

    1) If anyone in your home, even a foreign exchange student is a minority (hispanic, black, asian, american indian, etc.) file a complaint with the FHA against the HOA Property Management Company and HOA Board of Directors for discrimination. Federal law overrules ANY state law. They will think their assholes have been pulled inside out when the govt is done with them.

    2) The Supreme Court has ruled that no government or private regulation may prevent anyone from practicing their religions beliefs. Get yourself some chickens and tell everyone your into VooDoo this case was based on a woman in Florida from Haiti who said her live chickens were part of her religion, so the court prevented the city from removing them). Another thing is tell them you eat cats, start catching all the cats and BBQ them in your backyard. Tell them eating live animals is a religious belief.

    3) If you have a public pool, go find some homeless people and bring them to the pool as your quest. Or, just have them come over in the green area for a picnic.

    4) Get yourself a high frequency alarm signal (above normal hearing range). Put it on an external speaker pointed towards your neighbors house. Turn it on while you are at work. It will cause headaches and it will drive the dogs in the neighborhood nuts.

  4. hoa, the liberal leftFebruary 09, 2008

    Hoa seems to be a liberal left wing communist party.

    They impose restrictions above and beyond the government, in some instances against the constitution.
    They regulate everything.
    When someone has done wrong, they look for a 3rd party that is linked to ownership and impose their will to collect money on the 3rd party, instead of the actual individual that committed the wrong.

    An example:
    Your brother robs a liquor store. The police come looking for your brother, but find you, since you're related and he lives at the address, the police arrest you and you are ordered to pay the fine/imprisoned.

    Two people went to eat at a restaurant, one person skips on the check, the other person wants to pay for only his share, the wacky wild chinese hostess calls the cops, cops arrive and the police order you to pay for both meals even though you only ordered 1 meal.

    Somethings rotten in Denmark!

    Were these 2 HOA presidents before? Maybe they made up HOA's?

  5. The Horror Never StopsFebruary 12, 2008

    I have never lived where there is an HOA. I have had friends that lived with HOA's and had horror stories to tell. One was about a tree. The HOA said he needed to have a tree in his front yard. He planted a nice mesquite tree and his HOA told him that he needed to remove it because it was to close to the sidewalk. There was nothing in the rules about where the tree should be. It turns out that the tree blocked the view of the mountains of the guy across the street who was a buddy of an HOA board member. I can never understand why anyone would subject themselves to living with an HOA. If nobody bought the homes because of the HOA's then the developers would stop setting them up.

  6. re, HOA Horror Stories
    We put our trash can out when we were supposed to... the trashman didnt come... everyone in the neighborhood kept their trashcan out the next day for the trashman to pick it up... he finally came and then we put it back behind the fence..... our landlord got a bill for $25 for us keeping the trashcan out too long!!! We got charged .. and not our neighbors for having it out!! bastards... we had our waterhose out for 4 hours one day.. used it ... had to go to the store and the pharmacy.. then when we got back, put it back up.... they charged us for having the "unsightly water hose" out for too long.. it was rolled up!! neatly! ... im moving out the end of the month...

  7. The Liberals Are WinningFebruary 12, 2008

    Anyone who favors an HOA supports beliefs of a communist / socialist state where the government controls and dictates every move we make.

  8. Rant One for MeFebruary 12, 2008

    HOAs a.k.a. Nazi

    HOAs are chock-full of failed hall monitors, you know the type--they were bullied in school, now they have a chance to bully others with ridiculous rules. All hat, no cattle.
    Most can be found in the horrendous cookie-cutter dry wall Spray-on Spanish houses.
    Everything MUST be the same!! They have to approve of trees, for God's sake.
    Or, if your garage door is open 1/2 inch higher than it should, you'll get a notice from Nancy the Nazi. To be discussed at the next ASSociation meeting, poolside of course. If you like living under Nazi rule, by all means, live in an HOA. They'll be peering in your window to make sure your couch matches your beige-on-beige interior...

  9. HOAs are for Sheeple

    If you like taking orders from old farts with an axe to grind, or a younger fart who got kicked around in prep school, live in an HOA. It's fun to see them walk around with their clip boards, recording the least little infraction...then discussing it at their board--I mean BORED--meeting. They love to spy on everyone. They discuss important topics like what color the ashtrays at the pool should be (BEIGE OF COURSE!!!), who is growing their bushes too high (so the farts can't see inside their house), and who didn't take down their Christmas lights on time. My God the world wouldn't spin without these pious dullards, whose only joy in life is to spy on someone else.

    May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their Sansabelt pants. Seriously.

  10. the great southwestFebruary 13, 2008

    Mesquite Trees v HOAs

    if you don't like them your in the wrong country
    they were here long before the califorication of ARIZONA whats next ? the saguaros of the southwest,maybe the gila monster.......
    better yet,take your hoas your ignorance and get out of my state born and raised in AZ

  11. RE:HOAs are for sheeple -

    While there are many bad HOAs w/ 'Nazi type' boards, I prefer to live in an HOA for the following reasons:
    I don't want my neighbor to paint his house lavendar w/ bright green trim.
    I don't want my neighbor to leave his trash can out for 3 days after pu.
    I don't want my neighbor to own 5 cars, 4 of which leak like the Valdez and don't run.
    I don't want my neighbor to block the sidewalk w/ his vehicle, violating a City Ordinance.
    I don't want to see Christmas lights in July (always reminds me of ARK.)
    --There are many other reasons....Bluntly, I don't trust the gray matter of most people in this County.

  12. HOA people

    If you invested in real property rather than a postage stamp sized lot with a styrofoam house you wouldn't have to worry about your property values. My little 3 1/2 acres has mesquite and palo verde trees and 35 saguaros. I am not worried about my property value. Like Mark Twain said, " invest in real estate, they aren't making it anymore".

  13. Emerald ScottsdaleFebruary 13, 2008



    Watch them with their clipboards
    As thorough as can be
    they write about the rules we broke
    so surreptiously
    If you paint your house in blue
    they'll copy down your name
    and bring you up at the next meeting
    for shame! for shame! for shame!

  14. Pissed in ArizonaFebruary 13, 2008

    Hey if the HOA's kept the damn Illegals out I'd be all for them, but they cant even do that.... their Nazi scum are too busy seeing if my rock in the rock color and my sprinklers don't wet the sidewalks.

  15. Nazi HOA Board members -

    Hey just egg their house ....
    their cars too

  16. HOAs in Arizona

    Only controlling people who were abused in H.S. worry if their neighbor paints his house with eclectic colors. Only neurotic people worry if the garbage can is left overnight on the curb. Only inconsiderate jerks worry that a city ordinance is NOT enough to enforce simple regulations and an HOA is needed in case the city ordinance is not enough maintain peace among neighbors.

    Take your HOA and shove it.

    P.S. Anyone that thinks the Mesquite or Palo Verde tree is a weed needs to go back to Arkansas where they need HOAs.

  17. who cares ????February 13, 2008

    Re: HOAs

    i haven't paid my hoa fees in 6 months and no one has said a word.

    I request a statement every month... it does not get sent.

    A lady friend stays the night, parks in guest parking, comes out in the morning to a bright red sticker on her window about long term parking.

    Conclusion: My HOA is run by retarded old people who can't see good.

  18. Gladys Kravitz from "Bewitched" was a member of an HOA!!

    Remember her, peering out her window at all the shenanigans at Darren's and Samantha's house??

    Well, she had a reason. But old farts of the HOA do not.

    And may a giant steaming turd drop haphazardly on the executive board at an very important HOA meeting.

    My God, who will be in charge of the architecture commitee (OXYMORON for sure)?

  19. Nazi Germany wins in the endFebruary 13, 2008

    Defending HOAs means you love conformity and are a dullard.

  20. Poop Down WindFebruary 13, 2008

    HOA's v Sheeple
    f an HOA is all about common sense, then why are there so many HOA's to begin with.

    Because the vast majority, taught strictly academically, have no clue about what a community is, what natural beauty is, or how to create it.

    Case in point: Over two hundred billion dollars (that's $200,000,000,000) is spent every year in America just to remodel our homes.

    When it's all said and done, How many of them are of museum quality? It's amazing how we know little more than how to copy off on another!

    Hence, the typical master planned community.

  21. I Love My HOAFebruary 13, 2008

    All this talk about HOA's

    You People Are Nuttier Than Squirrel Shit !

  22. Why the hell does everyone think that THEIR HOA isn't run by assholes?
    All HOAs are benevolent and beneficial?
    HUH, WTF ???
    Listen to the people posting here !!!
    Most, oh what the hell ALL HOAs are run by assholes.
    Do you get it yet!?!?
    Who needs them? If an infraction is serious enough and talking to the neighbor doesn't get results, there is a city ordinance that will be enforced once the cops are contacted. If not, then the infraction isn't serious enough to worry about.

  23. Pecan Creek SubdivisionFebruary 13, 2008

    Arizona and HOA's

    I happen to live in a subdivision with an HOA and we have NEVER had a problem with them. Infact, nobody I know of in here has. There is nobody "spying" on you. Nobody "telling you what to do". It's all just common sense. Keep your place clean. And not all of our homes look the same. And the colors aren't bright and loud for a reason. It's calming to see neutral colors. The only thing irritating is the wetbacks that come through here plastering their ads all over the place and taping them to our garages. Look around dumbass. We do a good job keeping our yards up by ourselves.

  24. TaI am Taking Your Property's PictureFebruary 13, 2008

    Hi, I am an HOA Board Member...

    I can't brain today ...

    I have a dumb

  25. HOA -

    Out you demons of stupidity...OUT, Out I say

  26. Too Many VoicesFebruary 13, 2008

    Remember ......

    Realtors like HOA's

    but then 6% = Greed

  27. Well my HOA wont due shit about the barking dogs or feral cats.
    What good are they ...

    NONR !!

  28. Reality WorksFebruary 13, 2008

    Re: Barking Dogs Solution

    Problems with inconsiderate neighbors that own a constantly barking dog? Here is a sure-fire cure...

    Take a half pound of freshly ground beef, break up a 40 watt light bulb and incorporate the glass fragments into the meat. Wait until dark and sneak over to your neighbor's house.
    Leave the meat where the dog is ......

    P.S. - Works the same for cats but use a can of tuna and a small 25 watt bulb.

  29. Our Educational System has:

    Removed us from Nature...and locking us up in the city, So now most feel, and their children feel, that they must live in the city just to exist.

    That's why we live in the country.

    And as an Architect and Builder, I'm quite aware of what an HOA is and does. It's the old battle of received value vs perceived value. Guess who's winning that battle, now? Look where the banks and mortgage companies are with their "perceived value".

    If we foolishly continue to ignore this beauty...we will soon find ourselves without it.

    The HOA, in an attempt to beautify our land, has instead disgraced it with it's un-natural pursuit of perfection.

  30. Wake Up AmericaFebruary 13, 2008


    It always comforts me to hear that a good number of fine, free-thinking citizens in America still don’t know what an HOA is. They’ve never even heard of it. It’s democracy depleting presence is a stranger in in their neighborhood. Those who have heard the acronym HOA have been persuaded to bekieve it means Home Owners Association. Independent, free-thinking Americans know quite well that it really means “Hand Over America.” For those that have have accepted the masked definition of the term, please allow me to explain.

    Now, I’d be the first to agree that most of us probably don’t put enough intelligent, conscious effort into building, designing or maintaining our homes and the property around it. Even though we spend over 200 billion every year on remodeling alone. How many of us believe that effort can be called Architecture. There’s a lot of building going on…but very little Architecture. Here’s proof. How many of us believe that our homes are of museum quality? Not only should the be of museum quality, but all of us should be able to afford to build them that way on a teacher’s salary. One must be far more creative on a limited budget, than an unlimited. That’s where I always seem to get myself into trouble.

    You see, some of the greatest offenders to the concept of an HOA isn’t the neighbor with the grass that’s overgrown or the house that may need a fresh coat of paint or even the one with the old car in the driveway. As much of a blight as they may appear to be, they are not as vast in their growing numbers as their over manicured counterparts. For at least they do not disquise their intent.
    No, the families that house the largest number of offenders have cleverly hidden themselves right under our noses. We all know their names quite well. Many are our own friends and neighbors. They are the Pulte’s, the Toll Brothers, the Horton’s and the Del Web’s of our country. Just to name a few. These families have stripped our neighborhoods of their character and dignity far worse and with such expedience. It’s not the barking dog next door that is causing the greatest disturbances in our communities. It is the clever work of the profit seekers that have dug up all that is around us. And we’ve sent out the welcome wagon for them complete with fresh baked goods, and of course, various incentives in tow.
    It’s hard to beleive that such a large population in America has lowered its standard of living and given up so quickly on it’s dream for the dream home. Settling for so much less then even their grandparents insisted upon when it comes to quality and craftmanship.

  31. If It Were TrueFebruary 13, 2008

    Just a thought -
    Religion always likes to enter politics, so


  32. My HOA StoryFebruary 13, 2008

    I have to post this one for all of you. About 3 months ago I painted a house for a client. Called the HOA and told them I would be doing it as they had requested, They had sent him a letter notifying him it needed painting. Since he wanted it painted the same color as before, I called the HOA and asked them for the colors. I live in Dobson Ranch and the HOA here has color chips on file for every homeowner. They didnt have a clue, lucky for me the neighbor had the same color and had some old paint I could match. Anyway I paint the house, I used Behr Premium paints, and prepped the house as I always do. Pressure washed it, sanded and scraped where it needed it, took my time and did a good job. Since the homeowner lives out of state I had the tenants check everything over for the owner and they said it looked great. Today I get a email from my client, he was in town for the superbowl and said the house looked fantastic, that was on the 31st of January. Now 2 weeks later, he gets another letter from the HOA telling him that he needs to paint the house. I dont know what those people are smoking but the house dosnt need a paint job and wont for at least the next 7-10 years.

    Now as I said I live in Dobson Ranch and we just got a new director. The HOA here is fully funded with millions in the bank for any repairs. HOA fees are $34.65 per month. The new director hired someone from her old property management company to be the new compliance person. He left a tag on our garage telling us the house needed to be painted. The house is Slump block and is unpainted and has been since 1984 when the house was built, The trim is painted but we just painted the trim last year and it there isnt a flaw on it.

    The reason builders are putting in HOAs is not to keep the area nice. Its a money maker for them. If you read your CCRs which no one ever does you will find all the information you need to find out the real scam. You see the builder has a stipulation that as long as they own a home in the subdivision the HOA must stay in place. Now one I had a few years ago CCRs did not allow rental properties. But the builder maintained a rental home in the neighborhood so we couldnt disband the HOA. Mind you we only had about 80 homes. We were paying about $135 a month for fees to maintain common areas. Common areas consisted of 2 feet of dirt at the end house with bushes that were not watered unless the owner of that home did it. The other end of the street had a river rock retention basin and a few trees. They hounded you. Garbage can out 5 minutes after the truck left. FINE, Car parked in street-FINE anything they could they would give you a fine. I had an average of $150 in fines a month, plus the $135 for about $285 a month. Well I was getting sick of it and after reading the CCRs, I contacted the management company and asked them which house was still owned by the builder. I knew he didnt live there since he lived next door to my parents. You see the catch was he also owned the management company that maintained the HOA. I also found out that they were paid with whatever funds were left at the end of the month after maintence of the "Common Areas" I lived in the house for a year and never once did I see anyone maintain anything. So the builder was basically raking in about 15K a month for nothing. Well I went door to door and got all the owners to come to a HOA meeting. Once I explained that we could force the builder to either move into the house he owned, which I knew he wouldnt move from a 6000 sw ft waterfront home into a 1000sq ft house. Or he had to sell it since rentals were not allowed. He chose to sell it. Once he did we called another meeting and disbanded the HOA. I was at my parents house in the backyard when he got the call from the management company that he just lost 15K a month in income and he was fuming!!!! He couldnt figure out how anyone was able to disband the HOA, but the HOA is just that a HOME OWNERS ASSOCIATION. If you dont like what is happening within your HOA its your own fault. Become a board member, go to the meetings, read your CCRs cover to cover. If you have a neighbor who is constantly complaining about your home, maybe you should go meet them. find out why they have an issue and then if need be harrass him as much as he does you. dont like the HOA, well if there is no common ares like swimming pools, club houses or other things maybe you can just go door to door and disband your HOA.

  33. A fix for barking dogs

    If you have a complete ass of a neighbor like mine, stuff some ex lax in a hotdog and chuck it over the fence.

    Forget about HOA's; Animal Control; or the Police they are useless for this type of problem.
    Animal control only works if the dog is running lose and they see it when they come buy.
    The police will generally come only if the dog is a threat to human life, as in it all ready bit someone.
    HOA's are made of of idiots and most are animal lovers, so the PETA freaks are not our friend, they just want your monthly HPA dues.

  34. HOA

    Is a big scam. Think about if you put that money aside yourself for improvements, taxes, etc. If you are here co mplaining about your HOA ... heard it!

  35. To my HOA Reps who are stalking my property -

    As long as you remember every time I bend over, this moon's 4 U !


    And by the way I'm not just watching you too, I've got the cameras rolling so SMILE!!!

  36. Revenge Is SweetFebruary 23, 2008

    Next time someone gives you shit, go out catch a few rattlesnakes and throw them over the fence....works on HOA board Members too!
    The snakes are indigenous to Arizona so it's hard to prove they didn't show up on their own.
    If they are renters, they'll be gone the next week.
    If they live there, repeat until they move out.
    Scorpions work well also but they may come back to your property.

  37. we're just messin with yaFebruary 28, 2008

    HOA, Fruitcakes, and Idiot Neighbors ...

    I live in a HOA. Its not bad. I have a guy that use tocomplain all the time. Fine go ahead. Now instead of being nice and parking the work van on the side of the house (on the road of course, coner lot) we park in front. The HOA cant do anything because they cant catch us. We also bring home a 8ft by 10ft trailer, and of corse being the nice person I am I drop it in the street in front of my house. I call ahead and tell the HOA. Im good. Now on to the 30 ft toy hauler, boy did that send him in a fit. Well we can park in for 72 hrs and we are good with the HOA.. Come Christmas do we drive him nuts. The light bulbs allways change color out by the garage, sometimes white some blue and the one that sent him into a triade was the red. So there are ways to drive them nuts and get away. And yes I know all my neighbors and yes we all do this to drive him crazy, did it work yep he now stfu and leaves us alone. Oh yea he hated the bomber (manzy)we parked in the driveway on weekends and put in the garage come sunday.

  38. what would mr. rogers think?February 28, 2008

    You People and Your HOA's, You Worry Me.

    HOA's ? Worrying about Burned-out Light Bulbs ?

    Some people need a lesson in neighborhood aesthetics.

    Take me for instance, I've lived in this same house since Mecham first outted his pickaninnies.

    My original neighbors were here since Goldwater wanted to nuke the Earf.

    Most of my old neighbors have either died or moved-on to be neglected in sub-par Veterans nursing homes or something.

    My new neighbors are mostly younger couples striving for anal-yuppiedom, a smattering of realtor house-flippers, and a rougue lesbian who had the misfortune to move-in next door to me.

    BUT... somehow we get along.

    My neigbors are constantly building-on additions, remodeling, and generally trying to increase the net worth of their home-investments in order to avoid winding-up in a sub-par nursing home, at some time in their future, I think.

    My house, on the other hand... looks like the Bates Motel.

    However, I do know all of my neighbors' names ( I call them all...HI ! ), I wave to them, and I post disparaging remarks about them, here on cl RnR, all the time, for ever and ever, Amen.

    I also shoot the neighborhood pigeons and the roof rats, keep my weeds below 2 ft. tall, and I try to collect the newspapers from my drive-way... at least once a month.

    Anybody who would attempt to rob my house would have to nuttier than me, and that is pretty-much impossible.

    My neighbors appreciate this fact.

    The mere outward appearance of my house...with it's peeling paint-chips, eternally-closed blinds, nightly screams eminating from within, and the fact that Mexicans are afraid of Siberian Huskies... all issue a big " DON'T GO THERE " to any enterprising criminals who might consider a break-in from within a 500 ft. radius of me, which pretty-much includes everybody on my block.

    The neighbors appreciate me as a deterant, and they accept me as a necessary evil ( they have no choice... anyway ).

    If one of my outside light-bulbs were to miraculously LIGHT-UP somehow, I have no doubt, one of my good neighbors would quickly unscrew it for me.

    Now THAT... is the sign of a good neighbor.

  39. nice article. I would love to follow you on twitter.


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